He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
