We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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