Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
