omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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