i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
