If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
