Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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