Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We're too hungover to prance.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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