I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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