You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
