Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
