i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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