Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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