OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
