my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
