You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
