hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
