He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
