the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
