well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
