Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
