so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
