so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
