apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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