you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
