Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
