Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
