the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
