Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
