Someone shit on the floor
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
