So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
