He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
