You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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