woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
