did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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