well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
