don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
