get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
