I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
