Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
