thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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