TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
handjob tips. give me some.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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