I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
