Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
