Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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