She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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