Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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