bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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