Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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