everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
