I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
