we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
