I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
