My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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