Michael Bay diarrhea
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
