What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
