An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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