i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
