You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He felt like a one man threesome
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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