Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
