Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize