This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
