That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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