dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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