Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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