he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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