it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
