You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
