she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
