Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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