6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
