the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
