i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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