I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
